Are you serious?

30.

A quick list of the consoling(?) things I've heard from friends during the last few days:

-It's like, the new 20.
-Just think of yourself as being 20-10 years old.
-You don't look a day over 25.
-At least you're not still in school, right? Oh, wait...
-My parents were that age a while ago, and they totally said it's not that bad.
-You're only as old as you think you are.
-Buy you some Geritol?
-I think Guy was 30 for about 4 years, so it's really not that bad.
-Dude, it's really not that old. <--Except the guy who said that is 36.

Yeah, those are pretty much all things that old people tell themselves to convince themselves that they're still younger than they really are. You're old. Face it.

So in case you were wondering what I did for my birthday, and I'm sure you were just dying to know, I'll tell you.

I always felt cheated as a kid when my birthday was on a Sunday, so I took the liberty of observing my birthday yesterday. I started the day by going to the gym, which I have to do in order to maintain my uber-masculine physique. Then, I had to do laundry. Not my idea of fun, especially since it was crowded in the laundromat, and I had to wait for some guy to finish with the dryer to dry my clothes. Seriously, do you really need to throw 5 T shirts in the dryer for 32 minutes when there are tons of people waiting? Jerk. Not to mention the people who leave their stuff in the dryer, and show up a half hour after it's done drying. They say to just pull it out and put it in a basket, but I'm not cool with grabbing someone else's underoos and throwing them around, even if they did just get washed. That's creepy. I hate laundromats.

Once the laundry was out of the way, I cut to the real fun, and started up with my second annual birthday migraine. Complete with flashing lights, diminished peripheral vision, huge blind spot in the right side of my visual field, and inability to read due to flashing lights messing up my ability to focus on letters, and all. It's a choice experience, really. I don't know how one guy gets that lucky.

Having experienced the whole flashing lights thing three different times now, I know that even though my head doesn't hurt when the lights start, an absolutely unholy head splitter isn't far behind, so I threw about 1000 mg of ibuprofen at it, along with a few other drugs, and started eating. I actually got on it quickly enough that it never became a factor, and the whole screwed up vision thing only lasted about 45 minutes before it went back to normal. I was kind of tired and goofy for the rest of the night though.

Then, not to be outdone by my older sister, I ate sushi with a bunch of law school friends. Can I just tell you that I officially renewed my love affair with the Philly roll? Man alive, I've forgotten how incredible that is. Whoever thought to combine salmon, cream cheese and avocado is a genius, I say. Genius!! Anyway, after that, I hung around with some friends for the rest of the night, they got drunk for me, and that was about it.

As for my official birthday, I pretty much sat in meeting after meeting after meeting after meeting.... You get the point. Then I got another headache when I got home, so I took a bunch more drugs, ate a bunch more food, followed it with junk food, and then followed it with some really good cake that my roommate's girlfriend made for me. I'm one fat, disgusting slob right now, and I love it. I even have food stains on my shirt, and couldn't care much less. -Oh, and let's not forget when my sister had my nephews and nieces sing, "Happy Birthday, y'old geezer" to me. Thanks Lo, you're a peach.

Anyway, I think the moral of this story is that next year, around the middle of February, go out and buy stock in Advil. It will be a solid investment.

So that was it. Here's to my next 30 years. -Hey, that's got a good ring to it. Maybe I should write a country song...